Roger's Silent Suffering
by harrypotroxsomuchyah
Summary: Roger feels that ever since April died there is no point in living. No meaning of life. Until a certain someone comes knocking on his door. Then his feelings are torn in half. Should he move on and go for MIMI? Or stay at home and slowly die?


**This is only the first chapter. I will upload the rest if you guys really like it. Please enjoy!-Clare**

"I'm writing one great song before I.." I sang as I strummed my guitar. Sour notes, always sour notes! How am I going to play off last year stupid rent if I can't even make a song! Let alone a _good _one. I sighed as I lay the old instrument on the couch. Life is hell. I wish I would just die now, everyone would be better off without me moping around. April, she would have been better off without me. She might have actually lived. Why did I get involved with her? Only to have her die in the end! What is wrong with me?! I cuffed my hands over my face and moaned. Screw life! I'll just stay here forever, at least until the virus takes hold. I feel as if I'm actually looking forward to it!

_Thunk, thunk, thunk!_ Mark. He probably forgot something. I slowly walked to the door. Hell, I didn't care if it was an emergency or not. I was too depressed to care the slightest. I turned the knob and pushed. Then turned around without looking at him.

"What'd you forget?" I mumbled. But, to my surprise, a angelic voice answered instead.

"Got a light?"It asked. I turned around to focuse my attention on the familiar girl. I knew her somewhere! But where?

"I know you? You're..." I paused to study her again, her was shaking, "you're shivering." She walked inside to the junky apartment like her was invited or something. I watched her speechless. _God, _she was _beautiful._ Snap out of it Roger! You don't want another heart ache again, and you especially don't want to give her AIDS.

"Its nothing, they turned off my heat, and I'm just a little weak on my feet. Would you light my candle?"She asked. I politely lit her candle, but I could help but stare at her features.

"What are you staring at?" She sounded weirded out. Way to go Roger. What do I say now though? Think of something, quick!

"Nothing," I lied, then decided to let her know. "Your hair in the moonlight. You look familiar, can you make it?"

She walked around the room and studied everything. "Just haven't eaten much today, at least the room stopped spinning away. What?" She asked again.

Why couldn't I stop starring? How did I know her? "Nothing." Then she smiled. Wow her smile reminds me of-- "You're smile reminds me of--"

She rolled her big brown eyes. "I always remind people of-- who is she?

"She died, her name was April." I revealed. Why do I feel so comfortable telling her things? I barely know her!

"It's out again." She frowned, talking about her candle. "Sorry about your friend." She muttered. "Would you light my candle?"

Did she even care? Was I some freak that just opened up to her and all she really wanted was a lit candle? I'm so stupid! I lit her candle though, kind of an apology for being such a creep.

"Well--" I tried.

"Yeah? Ouch!" She wined as her finger touched the hot wax.

"Oh the wax—its--" I began.

"Driping! I like it between my--" She started to say.

Oh no! I know where this is heading. "FINGERS!" I interrupted. "I thought so." That was a close one! Was she trying to hit on me? I can't let her do that, but, I can't hurt her. "Oh, well. Goodnight." I tried to end it. End the madness!

Mimi sighed and walked toward the door. Finally! I felt bad though, was I being rude? Wait hold on a minute. One moment I hate the world then she comes in. This is getting too out of hand!

_Thump, thump, thump._ I rolled my eyes.

"It blew out again?" I noticed as she turned around.

"No-- I think that I dropped my stash." She started to look around.

My mind was easily distracted when I looked into her brown eyes.

"I know I've seen you out and about, when I used to go out." I looked at her candle. "Your candle's out."

She looked around, checking all the spots she went to. "I'm illn'-- I had it when I walked through the door-- it was pure! Is it on the floor?" Said asked as she went down on all fours.

"Floor?" I was genuinely confused.

"They say that I have the best ass, in all 14th street, is it true?" She smirked.

"What?" I laughed. Did I actually laugh? Did she actually ask me to check out her ass?

"You're starring again." She teased.

"Oh no," I said aloud. Did she think I said no? "I mean, yes you do-- I have a nice-- you look familiar." I changed the awkward subject.

"Like your dead girl friend" She smiled. _April,_ her name was April, I felt like saying.

"Only when you smile, but I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else."

She looked at me. "Do you go to the cat scratch club, thats where I work." She paused, "I dance."

Then it came to me! I used to go there all the time! "Yes! They used to tie you up--"

"It's a living--" She interrupted.

"I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs!" I finished, not aware I was smiling.

She quickly changed the subject. "Will you like my candle? Oh won't you light my candle?"

I light her candle with my second last match. I didn't mind though. "Why don't you forget that stuff? You look like your sixteen--" I tried to persuade.

"Nineteen, old for my age, I'm just born to be bad."

I looked back at my memories. "I once was born to be bad."

She smiled again.

"I used to shiver like that."

"I have no heat I told you." She tried to convince me.

"I used to sweat--"

"I got a cold."

"Uh, huh. I used to be a junkie." I recalled.

"But now and then I like to--"

"Uh huh."

"Feel good."

Not only did she remind me of April, but she reminded me of someone else I knew. _Me._ Just then I spotted her 'stash' on the floor. "Here it—um--" I decided to keep it, she shouldn't do drugs. I'll throw it away when she leaves.

"What's that?"

Uh, oh, she spotted it. Think of something quick--

"Uh, candy bar wrapper."

"We could light the candle." She smiled.

I blew out her candle to distract her from what I had in my back pocket.

"What'd you do with my candle?" She laughed.

"That was my last match." I lied, I had already used too many matches. Mark would be pissed when he found out. I sat down on the couch and she sat next to me. I shifted awkwardly.

"Our eyes will adjust, thank god for the moonlight."

"Maybe its not the moon at all. I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street." I joked.

She giggled and played along, "Bah humbage, bah humbage." She said as she touched my hand.

What do I do? This has gone too far! Man, her hands are cold! "Cold hands." I winced.

"Yours too." She smiled. "Big, like my father's."

Gee, thanks.

"Wanna dance?" She asked, her eyes pleaded. She grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet.

"With you?"

She giggled as if to say, who else? "No, with my father."

I even had to laugh at that one. Wait, we don't even know each others names! "I'm Roger." I introduced myself.

She started to circle around me. "They call me, they call me-" she taunted. I felt a cold hand reach into my back pocket. Grabbed the 'stash'. Busted.

"Mimi!" She laughed as she teased me with her successful pickpocketing. Then she left.

I stood there speechless as the angel left. I couldn't resist her. But, I knew I couldn't stay with her. I needed to end this. No matter the pain. I can't learn to love again, not when I know I will only fail.


End file.
